Author: Kirsten Veldman

Many people have this burning question…

Why do people hate corporate life?

Well, in this article, I’m going to fill you in on all the 15 reasons why (most) people hate corporate life. So, let’s unpack right away.

1) Corporate Life Is Unnatural

Corporate life is a very unnatural way of life. We think we can survive in the concrete jungle, but that is not who we innately are. We are human beings that thrive in nature and not in concrete buildings. We need nature to survive. And we’ve lost that connection in general, but people with corporate life lost that connection even more. And they get a feeling at their job “I don’t belong here,” which is so absolutely true. Corporate life is the opposite of how life is supposed to be and how it is designed for human beings.

“A man is part of nature, and his war against nature is inevitably a war against himself.”

2) It Starves Your Soul

Just as I mentioned above, the corporate world is not a good match for a human being (with a soul).

You can make a lot of money, but that also comes with a price. Over time most people will discover that this price is simple too high. Because in corporate life, there is no room for your soul. Many people feel they have to sell their souls to survive corporate life, which is why they hate it.

Your soul will be emptied out, and human qualities like empathy, compassion, and trust will be drained out as these qualities will get you into trouble.

3) You’re A Piece In A Big Chess Game

In corporate life, you feel more like a number than a person. You feel that even though you work hard and do your best, most companies give you the feeling that you are replaceable. And you’re just a piece in their big chess game where they move around the pieces. Or they move you, the puppet, in a puppet show and don’t care about your feelings and needs. You feel pushed, but you have no control over the direction you’re going.

Your opinions don’t matter as much, and if you’re too critical or do not bend when they want you to bend, they will make your life a lot more difficult.

Some environments are extremely toxic, where people have no empathy for others, and work becomes the survival of the fittest game. Coworkers do not mind stabbing you in the back to become in a better position for themselves because everyone is surviving, and when you’re in survival mode, not the best in people will come out.

At some point in time, people realize that they are more significant than being a screw in a big machine.

4) People Hate Corporate Politics

Let’s be honest, nobody like politics. The ones that do are far away from their true selves. And as you climb the corporate ladder, the politics and backstabbing get worse, so you’re almost forced to play along with these games to keep your job, pride, and image.

Favoritism and sucking up to the boss, we’ve all seen it. And the worst part is that it is rewarded. This behavior that nobody wants to see in their own children is normal in corporate life.

When you want to have a promotion or want to be assigned a fun project, you almost feel forced to go along with these political games as well, even to make a chance. And that is when people start to hate corporate life because they hate themselves for showing these kinds of behaviors within themselves and others.

And this can feel like you’re selling your soul to survive in this type of atmosphere, or you feel you need to do this in order to keep your job and survive the life (prison you’re in) of paying bills, mortgage, and whatnot.

5) Corporate Life Is All About The Ego

The ego is the false image we have of ourselves that is created by society, upbringing, and our experiences with the outer world. Your soul is your true self. The ego is controlled by the mind, whereas the soul speaks through the heart. The hardest part is that the mind is the screamer, and the heart speaks in a soft voice, which is why you need to pay attention and quiet the mind to be able to hear this voice.

In a fast-paced corporate life, you’re forced only to get information from the mind and work with logic because you often have no time to listen to the heart. And let’s be honest, nobody in the corporate world takes you seriously when you talk about intuition and stuff like that.

The corporate world is ego driven because everything runs on fear, power, money, lack, self-serving, competition, and control and is very future-orientated. The soul is the opposite, as seen in the image below.

When you live an ego-driven life, you are more detached from your heart and your true self. And people start to feel that. And that is a big reason why they hate corporate life, because they literally are pushed further and further away from who they truly are.

6) Your Human Needs Are Insignificant

Every person has different needs and a different biological rhythm (some people are morning persons vs. others are evening persons). And the seasons, planets, and personal life all have an effect on us. But there is no room for this in corporate life. Your working hours, breaks, etc., are set. There is no room for human needs.

Many companies expect employees to be cooperative and flexible 24/7, but when there is a request from an employee for the company to be a little bit more flexible due to an emergency or other important human need, the company doesn’t cooperate.

I learned this the hard way. I worked my *ss off for a specific company until I got sick. Sick from working too hard. I was always there for them and solved the problems when sh*t hit the fan. But were they there for me when I needed them? Nope. Unfortunately, this happens a lot to many people, which is why they hate corporate life. People cannot count on their employers but feel trapped because they also need the job.

7) Money Is More Important Than People

Companies (especially big companies) are only interested in making more money. And when the bottom line is money, the value of everything else drops to zero, such as people, service, values, environmental footprints, etc. It is all about making as much money as possible, and that means having the costs as low as possible. Anything that the company thinks is too expensive but can be of huge value for its employees will be cut away.

8) Targets Are More Important Than Daily Needs

Corporate life is future-orientated. Every company has a goal and a number of working toward, such as X amount of revenue in year XXXX. These goals are cut down into smaller goals and individualized per employee or project group.

Although working towards a goal gives you direction, it can also be taken to the extreme. And that is often the case in the corporate world. Closer to a deadline or target, breaks are often cut away, and people are expected to work many hours of overtime, and their health and personal life aren’t important anymore.

Anything and everything is been pushed to the side to achieve this (unrealistic) target.

9) You Have To Conform Constantly

The company has a worker’s manual and company standards to which you have to adjust yourself constantly. In the way you speak, think, dress, eat, work, post on social media, etc. Always adjusting is associated with stress, which is why people hate corporate life. They want to live autonomously, but they can’t. Humans are autonomous beings, so this is an unnatural environment.

10) Higher Demands And Lesser Benefits

For the last couple of years, the pressure has been building up. The corporate world asks much more from its employees than ever before. This accelerated with the arrival of smartphones, where all humans were reachable 24/7, and companies to this to their advantage.

For employees, it has become more difficult to set boundaries and maintain their mental and physical health. The same job now causes more stress than 10 or 20 years ago due to the increasing responsibilities and higher demand, plus all the constant stimuli from phones, tablets, etc. Email is a fast communication technique, but everyone receives hundreds of emails a day and expects to get an answer quickly. Also, everyone is trying to put on the most perfect life online whether it is job related or private life.

This situation causes more stress for all people in general, but also on a personal level when you can’t meet the high requirements. You go in survival mode.

It is no wonder that more and more people experience burnout or burnout symptoms, which include physical and emotional exhaustion, because they are dealing with immense stress trying to meet expectations and rising demands. According to a recent online study: 76% of U.S. employees are currently experiencing worker burnout.

The same happened to me as well. I made the conscious decision to retire from the rat race and live a more stress-free life that isn’t controlled by others.

11) Working Hours Are Stretched

The lines between working and off hours have become blurry, with often no compensation, benefits in return, and a lack of appreciation. Having a smartphone doesn’t help with that. Many people have one phone for work and personalife and receive work text and work emails also when they’re off.

Off hours can’t be used for winding down anymore, because everyone is on alert mode constantly. This constant stimali to our brains makes our body release an all sorts of hormones that isn’t healthy on a long term basis. You don’t feel like you’re off work, when you still receive work related information.

It is hard for employees to set boundaries, turn off their work phone or switch of their own phone to really enjoy downtime.

12) You Feel Like A Modern-Day Slave

Someone else is deciding your working hours, your off hours, what time you eat, approve your holiday (in high season prices!), how well you do your job, etc. Someone else has a lot of influence on your quality of daily life. Your life is instantly badly affected when he or she doesn’t like you or lacks empathy. And for many people, this feels like modern slavery, and why they hate corporate life.

But let’s call it like it is. Corporate life is modern-day slavery, and that is why we retired from this unhealthy system.

Here is what best-selling author James Altucher on Quora says about corporate life so you can decide for yourself:

“Jobs are modern-day slavery. We are paid just enough to live and not more. You are punished if you ask for more. The government gets up to 50% of your paycheck, and then 10-20% of that goes to kill people on other parts of the planet, including our own children. 

You realize that all the dollars you spent on degrees to get you a job that will make you happy were completely wasted. You were scammed, but you can’t let the next generation know, so now you have become part of perpetuating the scam. 

A trillion-dollar marketing campaign forced you to buy a house you didn’t want, and now you will “lose a house” you never really owned if you don’t bow down to the Masters daily. The words “The American Dream” were coined by Fannie Mae in a marketing campaign 40 years ago to sell mortgages to slaves. 

Your IRA was not intended to provide for your retirement. It was intended to take money from you every month, so you remain chained to your cubicle. Inflation then takes 90% of your IRA.  By definition: you create more value than you earn. That spread, minus executive salaries, is called “profit.” This is not an “-ism”. Just a definition. 

When you were a kid, you liked to draw, read, run, laugh, play, and imagine a magical world. You’re never going to do any of that again. Over time everyone is getting fired and being replaced by younger, cheaper, more temporary versions of you. You see this but are afraid to do anything about it.”

13) It Is Draining Your Energy

When you don’t do things you love, it costs energy instead of giving you energy. And when there is less energy going in your tank, than it comes out. Then you know your job is draining you out. And in most cases in corporate life, a job is costing more energy than it gives you. You slowly get exhausted more and more and you get susceptible for more and more diseases.

14) You Can’t Be Your Authentic Self

Many companies ask for you to be a professional. This often means you need to dress a certain way, act a certain way, say certain things, and, more importantly, avoid certain topics. In order to be able to survive corporate life, you need to take on a character role and stay away from your authentic self to fit in. This causes dissociation from your true and authentic self and causes stress in the long run.

If you need to play this character 40+ hours a week, you’re living a double life for the majority of your life. At a certain point, the lines become blurry, and you don’t know who you are anymore. Your identity is too attached to your job position. The longer you play this character, the longer the stress builds up in your body until there comes the point where you’re body says NO. And you have a burn-out, which your body gives you the most obvious signal to change your life around and work towards the life path that aligns with your soul’s purpose.

15) It Is Serving Self vs. Serving Society

Corporate life doesn’t contribute to society. The main goal is to earn as much money as possible for the company, not society.

And your purpose in life is serving others. That is fulfilling and meaningful. And when you’re in corporate life and not contributing to society somehow, you feel worthless. You hate it because it doesn’t serve your higher good/ your higher self. Your soul is thinking about WE instead of ME.

Companies are entirely self-serving and when we notice how they behave, we know they are behaving like insane and like money-grubbing machines rather than like caring for people. So we hate them because of their unnatural behavior.

As you are about to start a new job, or you’re struggling in a job, you might wonder, is it difficult to survive in corporate?

It is difficult to survive in corporate when you’re an authentic, intuitive, honest, sensitive, and straightforward person that cares more about people than money. Staying true to yourself and living an unnatural corporate life that is money driven is stressful. An ego-driven person finds it less difficult to survive in corporate.

This article is filled with information and confirmation on why the corporate world is hard to survive. Plus, I’ll share more tips on how to survive corporate life and how to leave the corporate world, so continue reading.

8 Reasons Why Corporate Life Is Difficult To Survive

The reason you’re reading this article and knowing that corporate life is a survival means that you’re not true to yourself. And I mean that in the most sincere and loving way possible because I want you to live your best life. So let me continue to explain more.

Survival mode means that you’re just trying to get through the day. You don’t feel joy, ease, or lightness when you’re in survival mode. And this physiological and psychological response to your life causes stress. You release stress hormones and activate your stress-response systems to prepare your mind and body to combat danger and handle threats. It’s a beautiful system to keep as alive. But you’re not in a direct life-threatening situation in corporate life, but your body thinks it is. So why is that? What causes stress?

Let me share a couple of reasons you experience stress in corporate life and it feels like a survival.

1) Internal Battle Ego vs. Soul

The deepest reason you experience stress and feel like you’re in survival mode within the corporate world is that you have a battle inside you between your ego and your soul.

Your ego is your false self and created by society, upbringing, and your experiences with the outer world. Your soul is your true self. And you’re conflicted now. You have the mind (ego) with screaming thoughts and a soft voice from the heart saying other things. And this causes stress.

The outside doesn’t match what is going on on the inside. If you want to get rid of stress, you need to align the outside world with your inside world. That’s how simple it is. Aligning the outside world with the inner world creates flow, easiness, and abundance in your life.

But I know it is not as easy as it sounds because we live in an ego-driven world. Fortunately, this is rapidly changing. Especially the corporate world is ego driven because everything runs on fear, power, money, lack, self-serving, competition, and control and is very future-orientated.

The corporate world is not a good match for a human being with a soul. Yes, it is true that you can earn money (a lot), but that also comes at a price. And over the years, you may discover that this price is simply too high.

The key to happiness and abundance is to starve the ego and feed the soul. So it is important not to confuse the voice of the ego with the voice of your heart and intuition. See the image below.

2) Increasing Responsibilities And Higher Demands

For the last couple of years, the pressure has been building up. The corporate world asks much more from its employees than ever before. This accelerated with the arrival of smartphones, where all humans were reachable 24/7, and companies to this to their advantage. The lines between working and off hours have become blurry, with often no compensation, benefits in return, and a lack of appreciation.

For employees, it has become more difficult to set boundaries and maintain their mental and physical health. The same job now causes more stress than 10 or 20 years ago due to the increasing responsibilities and higher demand, plus all the constant stimuli from phones, tablets, etc.

This situation causes more stress for all people in general, but also on a personal level when you can’t meet the high requirements. You go in survival mode.

It is no wonder that more and more people experience burnout or burnout symptoms, which include physical and emotional exhaustion, because they are dealing with immense stress trying to meet expectations and rising demands. According to a recent online study: 76% of U.S. employees are currently experiencing worker burnout.

3) Honesty Is Not Appreciated

Many people experience the fact that they can’t be honest in the corporate world. Advice and opinions are not often asked, and bosses expect you to cooperate instead of criticizing decisions.

This means that you often have to watch bad ideas crash and burn. And this can be difficult when the direction of your company is going right, but you know with every fiber in your body, it should go left. Going along with bad decisions when you know better can makes corporate life difficult to survive. It is like splitting yourself up in two directions all the time.

4) You Feel Competitiveness

Even though you have coworkers and you need to work together, there is a competitive dynamic in the office that everyone is aware of but is also the elephant in the room no one talks about. If you’re not a competitive person by nature, then this atmosphere can be very stressful for you.

5) You See Through The Politics

At many companies, there is a lot of politics going on. Perhaps you experience favoritism and sucking up to the boss that feels unnatural and dishonest. And when you see through these things, it is hard to shut your eyes to them. Also, when you want to have a promotion or want to be assigned a fun project, you almost feel forced to go along with these political games as well, even to make a chance.

And this can feel like you’re selling your soul to survive in this type of atmosphere, or you feel you need to do this in order to keep your job and survive the life of paying bills, mortgage, and whatnot.

6) You Can’t Be Your Authentic Self

Many companies ask for you to be a professional. This often means you need to dress a certain way, act a certain way, say certain things, and, more importantly, avoid certain topics. In order to be able to survive corporate life, you need to take on a character role and stay away from your authentic self to fit in. This causes dissociation from your true and authentic self and causes stress in the long run.

If you need to play this character 40+ hours a week, you’re living a double life for the majority of your life. At a certain point, the lines become blurry, and you don’t know who you are anymore. Your identity is too attached to your job position. The longer you play this character, the longer the stress builds up in your body until there comes the point where you’re body says NO. And you have a burn-out, which your body gives you the most obvious signal to change your life around and work towards the life path that aligns with your soul’s purpose.

7) Corporate Life Is Future Orientated

All businesses have goals to work towards. This means your daily tasks are all focused on achieving a certain goal in the future (targets, as companies like to call them). Although a goal can be beneficial to have a direction in life and a focus point, it is also unhealthy. It is very stressful always to be busy trying to reach targets that are in the future.

Living in the future or past is stressful. Only in the present moment is where you can experience calm and happiness. Thinking you have control over what happens in the future causes worry because you can’t control the future. And you don’t know how things go. Also, living in the past often causes sadness. Being in a future-oriented environment most hours in your week keeps you in survival mode.

8) Corporate Life Is Unnatural

Let’s be honest. We think we can survive in the concrete jungle, but that is not who we innately are. We are human beings that thrive in nature and not in concrete buildings. It is just who we are. We need nature to survive. And we’ve lost that connection. And that is why you experience the feeling of survival. It is just your body giving you signs of what it truly needs to survive.

How To Survive Corporate Life

Suppose corporate life feels like survival, then I wouldn’t recommend maintaining this life for too long as it makes you sick and unhappy for all the reasons I just mentioned above. But sometimes life is what it is, and therefore it is best to have some tools in your toolbox to help you survive the corporate world in a better way.

Tip 1: Remind Yourself Who You Are

Knowing who you are and reminding yourself every day about your qualities and values outside work, helps you to stay centered and in balance. If you can’t be authentically yourself during working hours, you need to catch up during your off hours. Therefore make sure you express yourself that aligns with your heart and soul during off hours in the way you dress, eat, drink, and do things. Make room for the things you love to do.

Tip 2: Keep Your Radar On

It can be beneficial to be reserved in expressing your true thoughts and feelings towards coworkers and bosses until you can fully trust the person in front of you. People can wear a high disguise because often the stakes are high. Everyone is surviving because everyone has high bills to pay, mouths to feed, and mortgages to pay. Unfortunately, we think this lifestyle is normal, but it is not. It is extremely unhealthy.

And in survival mode, not the best of people comes to the surface. People do many harmful things to other people to keep their heads above the water. Just be aware of this.

Tip 3: Don’t Take Things Personal

You’re replaceable. You’re a number in corporate life. Money is more important than people. Keep this in mind, and don’t take things personally when it comes to corporate decisions. It has nothing to do with you. It is just business.

People will suck up to their boss, project assignments are unfairly distributed. It all has to do with corporate politics. Accept that everyone has their own agenda and reasons.

Tip 4: Don’t Attach Your Self-Worth To Your Job

A lot of people make the mistake of marrying their job. They become their job. Their identity is their job position. Their self-worth is attached to their job performance.

As you understand, this can go wrong very quickly because when everything turns south (even though it is not your fault), your self-confidence and worthiness go south too.

Your worthiness is not attached to your job. Doing your best is enough, and when the moment that it isn’t, it is time for you to go.

Tip 5: Do Your Job

If you do your job to the best of your ability, be on time, and give what they ask (within reason), they have nothing to hold against you. And if they have nothing to hold against you, then the focus is not on you and makes your corporate life easier.

Tip 6: Take Enough (Mental) Breaks

When things get too much, it can help to take a break and a breather to maintain your balance. I know certain jobs come with limited breaks, but you can work around them. And be creative such as listening to calming music while you work or going to the toilets a bit more often.

For example, go on nature breaks as much as possible to compensate for the time spent in an office. Being in nature and breathing in fresh air cleanses your aura and clears your mind. This helps you to tackle the rest of the day a bit better.

Or you can bring nature into your office as much as possible such as plants, and minerals (Himalayan Salt Lamp), wear Crystals, or take your pet to work to help you stay sane.

When things get heated, or you feel things are boiling inside, pause and count to ten or even a hundred. An even better way is to meditate during work as much as possible because being aware of your breath keeps you calm and centered.

How To Leave The Corporate World

When you know the corporate world is not for you, it is time for you to leave it. And go towards a much more happy and healthy life that aligns with your soul. And here are a couple of tips.

Tip 1) Believe In Yourself

You can do this and keep reminding yourself of it. Doing things that align with your soul opens up a new world for you that might be scary and unknown territory but is filled with joy, excitement, and abundance. Do as much meditation and positive thinking exercises to keep you on the right track. There are so many opportunities (with the energies on earth right now) for you where you can do things you love and make money as well. Check out this Ikigai module to help you on your way.

Tip 2) Leave Part-Time (First)

Offer yourself as a freelancer and establish a healthy distance between yourself and the work environment. You can even do this with your employer. This way, you have all the benefits of being in charge of your own hours while also being of value to the company and getting a paycheck.

You can even do this part-time to dip your toe in the water first before you take the leap. Once you’ve established a stable business, you can leave the corporate world for good.

Tip 3) Don’t Rush It

Rush comes from the ego. And the ego is fueled by fear. Therefore making rush decisions is never a good idea. Let the decision to leave the corporate world soak in for a while and make the conscious decision to leave when it is the right time. When you feel it is the right time, instead of thinking about it. Feeling and intuitive decisions are peaceful and never rushed.

Tip 4) Save, Save, Save

If you want to leave the corporate world, that often means you also leave the paycheck that comes with it. Therefore it can be helpful to save up enough money to buy you time to explore new ways of making money.

Another thing you can do is to cut down on your expenses. You can reconsider your living situation. A smaller house means smaller expenses.

For example, we sold our house and live in a caravan for the majority of the months in a year. This way, our living expenses are much lower, which enables us to live the way we want. And don’t feel the pressure as much to earn a lot of money to be able to pay a mortgage and gas bills. We are free and can travel the world, work, and live independently.

But you can also save a lot of money in other ways.

Read more: How To Save Money? | 30 Expert Tips

As you want to figure out your passion or your purpose in life, you might wonder, what comes first, passion or purpose?

Purpose comes first because you come into this life with one purpose: the reason for your existence. Your passion is second because as you explore things in life, you’ll discover your passion(s), which guides you to your purpose. Passion is the ‘what,’ and purpose is the ‘why’ behind it all.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. This article gives you an in-depth look at purpose vs. passion, the difference and why it is magically connected, and ultimately how to discover your passions and purpose in life. So continue reading.

Why Purpose Comes First

You come into this life on earth with a mission. You have a reason for your existence. You have a purpose from the moment you’re born.

Not many people remember their purpose in life and seek it their entire life. And that is because of the veil of forgetfulness. We forget why we came here. On average, this happens after age 3. And most of the human population needs a lifetime to discover, remember and grow to discover our purpose. No wonder many people ask themselves, why am I here? What is the reason to be alive? Why do I need to suffer this/ or that? Or can’t find any satisfaction in their jobs, marriages, etc.

Your purpose. The reason for your existence is made into a life contract with your soul on where you need to grow and expand and which lessons you need to learn in this lifetime before you take your first breath as a baby. These lessons are brought to you by your soul for you to learn to expand and grow your consciousness.

“Evolution of consciousness is the central motive of terrestrial existence.” – Sri Aurobindo

Your purpose is personal, but it serves the greater good of all humanity. You growing and evolving and being authentically yourself is serving others. Your passion is a personal activity, but it serves your purpose. Which indirectly and directly serves others as well. Each person is unique, but is one piece to the big puzzle. And if we all follow our passions and uniquely live our life purpose we are working harmoniously and beautifully together.

I know this sounds very spiritual and esoteric, but I’m building a picture that you can use as your practical guide towards your purpose and passion. Therefore keep an open mind.

Life Takes Off

As life takes off, and you start to grow physically and mentally from a child into a grown-up, and you participate in life as we know it, such as going to school, graduating, getting a job, getting married, and having children, doing fun hobbies, discovering your passions, etc. But this often takes us away from the reason why we’re here and we forget our purpose. You follow the rhythm and ‘rules’ that are normal to society, and you often think your way to what your purpose is.

I understand that having a job and earning enough money to pay the bills and save for retirement gives you a sense of purpose in life. A reason to get up in the morning. A direction in life on where you need to go or which goal to work towards. And achieving these goals gives you a sense of achievement and acknowledgment. But is this sense of purpose coming from deep within (your soul), or what society is pushing us towards and feeding our ego? Are you really feeling fulfilled? Or still hungry for the next best thing?

We are conditioned and trained to use our minds with everything we do instead of our hearts. But our mind and ego are railroading us and keeping us away from our true purpose. Our heart knows the way to our purpose, and that is why it’s important to reconnect with our hearts to find our way back to our purpose.

“The mind has to have a purpose for existing. Your soul knows it is existence” – Linda Good McGillis.

Later in this article, I will show you how to feel the difference between your ego and your intuition/ heart in the chapter: How To Find Your Purpose.

Summary

You come into this life with a purpose, therefore purpose comes first, and your passions come second because you need to discover them as you grow up. Both passion and purpose need each other because they work magically together to show you the road to your best life.

Most people discover their purpose, by discovering their passions first. Or people have many passions without knowing their true purpose in life.

Why Passion Comes Second

You come into this life with a reason for your existence but also with a set of skills, talents, and topics/interests you naturally gravitate towards. This is with reason. You’re a setup in this lifetime with a well-equipped toolset that will help you align with your soul purpose in this life.

And that is why your passions can help you find your true purpose in life. And is the reason why it becomes second because you need to grow up to be able to do things you’re passionate about. But on the other hand many people can only discover their purpose by doing things they’re passionate about. Then it looks like it’s the other way around, while it’s not.

In the discovery to your purpose it helps to focus on your passions first so you can discover the motivations behind these passions of yours. But more and that later.

Difference Between Passion And Purpose

As I mentioned earlier, passion and purpose go hand in hand to show you the roadmap to your best life so you can grow, expand and evolve. While they magically work together, they also have some differences which can be helpful for you to feel into:

• You can have multiple passions vs. one purpose
• Purpose is serving others vs. passion is serving self first (and indirectly others)
• Passion is about your emotions vs. purpose is the reason behind your emotions
• Passions feels exciting, joyful and energizing vs. purpose feels fulfilling and peaceful
• Passion is fleeting vs. purpose is staying
• Passion is the ‘what’ vs. purpose is the ‘why’

Quotes About Passion vs. Purpose

Let’s dive into what other people say about passion and purpose to give you an even broader perspective.

“Your purpose is very different from your passion. Your purpose is what you give to the world. It’s what you’re doing for other people. And I believe everybody’s purpose is the exactly the same; to live with more passion and share your true self with the world. That could mean sharing your story, your struggle, your art, or your time and energy for something great then you.” – Mel Robbins

“Purpose is the reason you journey. Passion is the fire that lights the way” – Unknown

“Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion”. – Unknown

“Your passion is for you and your purpose is for others. When you use your passion in the service of others, it becomes your purpose.” – Jay Shetty

“If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose”. – Bishop T.D. Jakes

“If you have a strong purpose in life, you don’t have to be pushed. Your passion will drive you there.” Roy T. Bennet

How To Discover Your Passions

Now let’s get into the reason why you are probably here: you want to live your life with passion and purpose. So, I’m going to share some ways on how you can discover your passions, as this will lead you to your purpose.

Tip 1) Notice Your Feelings

There is a very simple trick to find out what your passion is. See what brings you excitement and joy. These feelings are the keys to your passions. Anything that lights up your heart and excites you is your passion and aligns with your soul journey.

Your heart/ soul gives you clues by the way you feel. And excitement is your guide and compass. Therefore ask yourself, what excites me the most? And let that be your compass.

Or notice when excitement kicks in when you’re thinking about something or doing something new. And know that this is your clue. And try not to overanalyze it or use your brain when this feeling comes up. just feel through it and give it space, and let your imagination from the heart take over.

Tip 2) Notice Difference Between Head Voice And Heart Voice

As I explained, we can only find our passion and soul purpose through our heart. Our ego is a distorted image we have ourselves that is influenced and conditioned by our upbringing and society and puts limitations on our life. Often we are controlled by our ego that has a screaming voice fueuled by beliefs that do not serve our soul. And because of the screaming we are unable to hear the voice from our heart. The image below will show you the difference.

Top 3) Experiment With Activities

The only way to figure out if you like something or not is to do it. Experimenting with all sorts of activities and exploring new avenues is a great way to figure out what you like and don’t like. And ultimately what your passion is.

It can be helpful to try out new things. These experiences will give you tangible answers.

Following all sorts of classes is an excellent way to experiment and explore. And a great platform for that is Masterclass, where you can follow 100+ different classes from the World’s Best Teachers in their field.

Watch thousands of lessons from the best as they share their stories, skills, shortcuts, failures, and successes. Just to drop a few names that offer a class on Masterclass: Gordon Ramsey, Aaron Franklin, Martin Scorsese, Dr. Jane Goodall, Christina Aguilera, Usher, Hans Zimmer, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Stephen Curry, Carlos Santana, Ron Finley, Jimmy Chin, Serena Williams, Dan Brown, and many more. New classes are added every month!

Tip 4) Ask Yourself Questions

You can ask yourself these questions below and see how you feel and what reoccurring themes you can find.

• What makes me lose track of time or become fully engaged in trying to figure out?
• What would I do if money wasn’t an issue?
• What is a topic I can read 500 books about?
• What do I love to do without getting tired?
• What is a stress reliever for me?
• What gives me satisfaction and joy?

Read more: How To Find My Passion: 14 Tips

How To Discover Your Purpose

Your purpose is one focus point and, therefore, long-term and the motivation behind your passions.

Once you know your passions you can dive in deeper into what your motivation behind them is.

When you follow your soul purpose it feels fulfilling and peaceful and life is much easier. Your soul is constantly guiding you in the right direction by not using force (that is the mind) but with soft guidance and signs. If you ignore these signs in life and take a detour your life will get more difficult and your soul needs to give you bigger clues to guide you through your life path again.

When you stay close to your authentic self this means you are true to your soul’s purpose.

Here is a simple reminder:
If you are peaceful and happy, know that you are very close to your self (your soul). If you are sad and stressed, know that you are close to your ego.

There is also an Ikigai module that you can apply to help you find your purpose.

If this module benefits your pursuit then a beautiful read is this book, Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life.

Purpose For All Humans

Each soul purpose is slightly different from the other, but the common factir that applies to all humans is to grow your consciousness lifetime after lifetime and so you can return home, back to source/ god/ all that is. You can consider earth as a school on which you need to graduate from to be able to go to the next level.

This is explained in the video below by Hans Wilhelm a mystic, author and illustrator of 200 books. He inspires audiences around the world with his life-affirming concepts to connect with their own inner wisdoms.

As your retirement is coming closer, you might wonder, how do I figure out what I want to do after retirement?

Don’t look any further because this article will help you figure it all out with 16 practical tips and 101 amazing ideas on what to do in retirement. Let’s unpack right away.

How To Figure Out What To Do In Retirement: Step-by-Step Guide

Knowing what to do after retirement makes you instantly more excited about your days in retirement. Because you’ll have something to retire, giving you a sense of direction, which are keys to a successful and happy retirement.

Tip 1: Take Time To Adjust

Retiring is a process. It takes time to adjust to the change and new lifestyle. Once you retire, you lose daily routines, a purpose, social interactions, part of your identity, etc. And you gain an open agenda with endless possibilities.

Some people feel anxious thinking about it, while others are excited and can’t wait for retirement to get started. The majority will have a mix of feelings, which is very normal.

Knowing that retiring is a process, also known as The five stages of retirement, gives you a clearer view of where you’re at and what is to come.

Tip 2: Relax

When you jump from a busy job into a retirement filled with projects, appointments, and obligations just to keep busy, it will not help you figure out what you want to do in retirement. That is the ego of always wanting to be productive and moving because you don’t feel worthy enough if you’re not.

Give yourself the opportunity to slow down and relax so you’ll be able to listen to your intuition and your heart in a better way. When you relax, you give yourself permission to unwind from the busy job you just retired from and create room for new possibilities. Creating space by relaxation is not what the ego wants, but you want to transcend the ego to go to your heart, where the real answer lies in what you want in retirement.

Enjoy a nice relaxing holiday, book spa days, spend as much time at the beach or pool, or enjoy reading a good book many hours in the day until you have the feeling you’re totally relaxed and unwinded from the job you just retired from.

Read more: Does Retirement Make Your Lazy? A Truth Guide

Tip 3: Quiet The Mind

You need to quiet the mind to know what is in your heart. The moment of stillness is the moment where new ideas and inspiration come to you.

And a good way to quiet the mind is to meditate but also just sitting in a chair and doing nothing for 15-20 minutes a day can help you quiet the mind. For example, watching the clouds, trees, birds, and flowers. And try not to engage in your thoughts that pop up, but see them as clouds passing by.

Tip 4: Listen To Your Intuition

Many people are not able to notice the difference between the mind/ ego and the voice of their intuition.

But we should listen to it because our intuition knows better what we like and dislike. It’s a magical well of wisdom you want to tap into when finding what you want to do after retirement. Your intuition knows what your soul wants, and that’s why you always need to listen to it.

So let me help you with that.

Finding things you love to do after retirement isn’t an intellectual pursuit; it’s something you need to feel.

But how do you know what following your intuition feels like?

You’ve definitely felt it before, but because of perhaps your busy life and career, you forget how to listen to it properly. And that is not surprising because we’re trained and programmed to think with our minds and make decisions based on logic. But intuition isn’t logic at all. Intuition is a soft voice and feeling in our body that is difficult to listen to when our minds are screaming the whole time. That is why quieting the mind is such an important part of this journey.

Listening to your intuition can be trained just like training muscles in your body. When you notice it more often and follow through with what it is telling you, this muscle/ voice of intuition becomes louder and clearer over time.

You can train it with small decisions throughout your retirement day. For example, ask yourself: Do I want a sandwich or pancake for breakfast? And see what it feels like. It sounds so silly, but it really helps. Continue doing this with any decision during your day, so it becomes easier over time and helps you along the way when you need to make bigger decisions in your life.

Example of How Intuition Feels

I should say Yes
My head says Yes
Logic says Yes
Reason says Yes
Friend says Yes
But…
My gut says no. I don’t know why it says No, but it says No. 
So…
My intuition says NO

Tip 5: Excitement Is Your Compass

Your heart/ soul gives you clues by the way you feel. And excitement is your guide and compass to figuring out what you want to do after retirement. Therefore ask yourself, what excites me the most? And let that be your compass.

Or notice when excitement kicks in when you’re thinking about something or doing something new. And know that this is your clue. And try not to overanalyze it or use your brain when this feeling comes up. just feel through it and give it space, and let your imagination from the heart take over.

Tip 6: Ask Yourself Questions

Another way to figure out what you want to do after retirement is to start asking yourself questions. Grab a pen and a piece of paper and try to answer the following questions quickly without overthinking them.

Questions to Ask Yourself

• What is a topic I can read 500 books about?
• What’s the thing I never get bored of? 
• What is something I love to talk about?
• What do I love to do without getting tired?
• What is a stress reliever for me?
• What gives me satisfaction and joy?
• What could I do for five years straight without getting paid?
• What would I do if I had all the money in the world?
• What would I regret NOT doing in my life?

After answering these questions, you may better understand where to go next. Sometimes the answers are pretty straightforward, and you know what to do next. And sometimes you have to experiment and look a bit further in a particular direction.

Tip 7: Be Honest With Yourself

Figuring out what you want means you must be completely honest with yourself. Often fear or feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt get in the way of things we really want in life.

Therefore, you must see what blocks you from doing the things you love. Sometimes this can be uncomfortable or shocking. And instead of pushing it away or burying these revelations deep in yourself, you need to look yourself in the mirror and find the courage to work through these issues. Only then can you get closer to doing things that are aligned with your heart.

Tip 8: Find Recurring Themes

Often there are recurring themes that can help you figure out what you want after retirement.

Keep a notebook at hand and write down ideas, inspiration, and things you love when you go about your normal daily life. After a while, you’ll see recurring themes, giving you a clearer direction in where you want to go after retirement.

Tip 9: Go Back To Your Childhood

Big chances are that the things you love as a kid are still the same at retirement age. Perhaps not the same format, but a similar kind of hobby you had as a child can be a great success and a good clue in figuring out what to do after retirement. Write down your childhood hobbies and see which one excites you the most.

Tip 10: Radiate Positive Energy

Everything is energy. Everything material and physical is energy, and everything we don’t see with our naked eye is energy. It all has its own unique vibrational frequency. And the laws of the universe work in a way that similar vibrational frequencies attract each other. When you’re positive the majority of the day, you have a higher vibration and you’ll attract similar vibrational frequencies.

And here is where Albert Einstein comes in.

When you want to have a happy retirement, you need to radiate positive energy. You can positively influence this by doing gratitude and positive affirmation exercises every day and doing things that bring you joy.

Tip 11: Experiment And Explore New Things

The only way to figure out if you like something or not is to do it. Experimenting with all sorts of activities and exploring new avenues is a great way to figure out what you like and don’t like.

It can be helpful to plan a period of a couple of months or weeks after retirement to try out new things. These experiences will give you tangible answers.

Following all sorts of classes is an excellent way to experiment and explore. And a great platform for that is Masterclass, where you can follow 100+ different classes from the World’s Best Teachers in their field.

Watch thousands of lessons from the best as they share their stories, skills, shortcuts, failures, and successes. Just to drop a few names that offer a class on Masterclass: Gordon Ramsey, Aaron Franklin, Martin Scorsese, Dr. Jane Goodall, Christina Aguilera, Usher, Hans Zimmer, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Stephen Curry, Carlos Santana, Ron Finley, Jimmy Chin, Serena Williams, Dan Brown, and many more. New classes are added every month!

Tip 12: Know Your Goal

Knowing the goal of what you want to do can help you figure out in which direction you should be looking for things you want to do in retirement. Perhaps you have the desire to relax, learn something new, be creative or be active in retirement. Below are some examples.

Relaxing Hobby Ideas are reading, meditation, yoga, gardening, listening to music, etc.

Active Hobby Ideas are fitness, hiking, a team sport, dancing, cycling, etc.

New Skills Hobby Ideas: play a musical instrument, acting, learn a new language

Expressing Yourself Hobby Ideas can be painting, journaling, creating music, writing, etc.

Escape Reality Hobby Ideas are puzzling, board games, watching a film, and gaming.

Money Earning Hobby Ideas are selling arts and crafts on Etsy, blogging, freelance gardener/ accountant/ handyman.

Tip 13: Get Inspiration Everywhere

You can find inspiration everywhere. For example, you’re watching a movie, listening to the radio, browsing Pinterest, or reading a magazine. Everything can be your source of inspiration. You might get an idea that sparks your excitement.

For example, you can walk into a bookstore and start exploring and notice which area you gravitate toward the most, and you’ll know what interests you.

But you can also take a step back and not actively seek things but trust that the right idea will come at the right time.

Tip 14: Ask The Universe/ Your Guides For Help

A whole team of angels and guides are happy to help you with struggles in your life.

But they will not interfere with your life. You need to ask for their help, and only then will they give you subtle clues through certain videos that pop up on Youtube, a sign on the side of the road, or a friend that says something to you that you know deep within is a sign.

What you can do is, before you go to sleep, you can say.

• Dear guides and angels, I don’t know what to do in retirement. Please show me the way and give me a sign. Thank you so much.
• Dear universe, lead me the way to my hobby in retirement. Thank you

And then let it go and trust that the universe/ your guides will help you.

Tip 15: Create A Bucket List

A practical way to figure out what you want is to create a bucket list.

People create a bucket list with things they want to do in life before they “kick the bucket.” Your bucket list contains items of places you want to see, experiences, and things you want to do before you die. 

You can start by making a list of all the things you always wanted to do or that pop up in your mind spontaneously. You can use my article: 430 Ideas For Your retirement Bucket List, as inspiration.

Once you have your big list, let it rest for a while. And see which items you are gravitating the most to, and make a top 5 or top 10 or a top 15 of these items and rest on it again.

Until you know with your whole heart which thing on the list is the thing you want to do most, and there you have your retirement dream, plan, and goal.

Tip 16: Visualize

Another way to figure out what you want to do in retirement is to do a visualization technique.

Visualizing technique 1: Your Perfect Retirement Day
Visualize being retired, waking up in the morning, and going through the day step by step in what your most perfect retirement day will look like. Do this a couple of times and see which activities are part of your visualization.

Visualizing technique 2: Taking Your Last Breath
Visualize lying on your deathbed and taking your last breaths. Take a moment to really get into this feeling without getting scared because this technique can be very powerful. Now visualize what things you wish you’d done differently in your life or what things you hope you have achieved once you get to that stage.

This gives you great insight into what you really want in life after retirement.

Note: don’t let your mind get in the way. It tends to find obstacles and makes you think your dreams are impossible. This will not help this exercise. Let it flow as openly as possible.

101 Ideas On What To Do In Retirement

Here is a list of 101 ideas on what to do in retirement, which you can use as a source of inspiration.

1) Rock Painting

2) Scrapbooking

3) Antiquing

4) Knitting

5) Calligraphy

6) Candle Making

7) Coloring

8) Cross-stitching

9) Drawing

10) Flower Arranging

11) Flower Pressing

12) Macramé

13) Jewelry Making

14) Diamond Painting

15) Leather Crafting

16) Painting

17) Upcycling

18) Photography – There is an amazing Online Photography Masterclass by Annie Leibovitz at Masterclass

19) Pottery

20) Sewing

21) Soap Making

22) Wood Working

23) Ceramics

24) Mosaic Making

25) Nail Art

26) Comic Strip Book Making

27) Bird House Making

28) Family Photo Album Making

29) Cooking

30) Baking

31) Mixology (Cocktail Making)

32) Wine Making

33) Beer Brewing

34) Sommelier (certified wine taster)

35) Cake Decorating

36) Dining Out

37) Latte Art

38) Molecular Gastronomy

39) Grilling

40) Bread Making

41) Pasta Making

42) Chocolate- and pâtisserie-making

43) Vegetable Growing

44) Hot Sauce Making

45) Cheese Making

46) Archery

47) Swimming

48) Biking

49) Bowling

50) Dancing

51) Stand Up Paddleboarding

52) Golfing

53) Hiking

54) Ice Skating

55) Martial Arts

56) Running

57) Surfing

58) Tennis

59) Gardening – There is an amazing online gardening class on Masterclass by Ron Finley.

60) Astronomy

61) Bird Watching

62) Camping

63) Hiking

64) Geocaching

65) Fishing

66) Kayaking

67) Sailing

68) Scuba Diving

69) Snorkeling

70) Skiing

71) Snowboarding

72) Traveling

73) River Rafting

74) Ballet

75) Flag Football

76) Basketball – There is a fun Basketball Online MasterClass taught by Stephen Curry

77) (Aqua) Aerobics

78) Volleyball

79) Dating – For more information, read my article: How To Meet Senior Singles

80) Dinner Club

81) Host Game/ Quiz Nights

82) Wedding Officiant

83) Singing

84) Airbnb Hosting

85) Acting

86) Bingo

87) Wine Tasting Club

88) Volunteering – Read more about it in my article: Why Do Retirees Volunteer?

89) Team Sports

90) Mentoring/ Coaching

91) Dog Training

92) Pet Sitting

93) Line Dancing

94) Cheerleading – Get inspired by this senior cheerleading squad:

95) Reading

96) Board Gaming

97) Cross Word Puzzles

98) Home Decorating

99) Jigsaw Puzzling

100) Learning A New Language

101) Writing (poetry, book, play, movie script, columns) Gift your mom access to Online Writing Masterclasses by the World’s famous writers.

Many people love to contact old friends from high school, college, or work, but they feel scared. And that is why I wrote this article to help you out.

After reading this in-depth guide, you feel much more at ease and comfortable and have more clarity on what to do next. So let’s start unpacking right away!

Reasons Why You’re Afraid To Contact Old Friends

First, let’s dive into the reasons why you’re afraid to contact old friends because this will give you some clarity in this situation. There are some obvious reasons that you might be aware of on a conscious level, but there is a deeper reason on a more unconscious level that makes you scared to contact old friends, which I will reveal later in this article. Below, I’ve listed the more obvious reasons that might sound familiar to you:

1. You’re afraid of awkward moments where you don’t have anything to talk about.
   
2. You were bullied in your childhood, and reconnecting with those old friends brings back those memories. And you’re afraid they will also bully you at this moment in time, or you fear to feel the same as back then once you see old friends in real life.
   
3. Rekindling old friendships is emotionally too much for you now.
   
4. You are just an introverted person, and meeting others is difficult, let alone old friends.
   
5. You have a social anxiety disorder that causes extreme fear in social settings.
   
6. You fear being judged or scrutinized by the person you are and your life decisions.
   
7. You fear being rejected.
   
8. You have an unsolved misunderstanding that isn’t talked out yet.
   
9. The last time you spoke wasn’t on good terms.
   
10. You don’t know how to get the conversation started or going.

These are ten reasons that make you feel hesitant to contact old friends, which is unfortunate. But you have a desire that you want to contact old friends because that is the reason why you are reading this article. And something is holding you back. And that is fear. But what is fear, and how does it make you feel?

The Function Of Fear

Let’s dive deeper into fear to give you a broader perspective.

“Emotions are action-requiring neurological programs” ~ Antonio Damasio

This means that emotions are helpful and give you a signal to come into action. The universal function of fear is to avoid or reduce harm. Depending on what we have experienced in the past, fear helps us to protect ourselves from dangerous situations. It gives us the signal to come into action in order to stop the threat. Our nervous system is build this way and automatically chooses between variations of fight, flight and freeze in a last-ditch effort to save our lives. A very functionial emotion to keep us alive.

But emotions are only ever felt in the present moment (much as the body is only ever in the present moment). And besides life-threatening situations. Our thoughts causes emotions. We don’t have to experience something in the present moment or be in danger in the present moment to feel fear or any other emotion. And if we get stuck in the negative thought loop, our emotions get intenser as well.

Stages Of Fear

Deeper Reason Why You’re Scared To Contact Old Friends

Now that we know little bit more about fear, let’s dive deeper into the real reason why you’re afraid to contact old friends. And what you can do about that fear feeling.

You Lack Self-Confidence

Most people who are scared to contact old friends lack self-confidence. When you feel confident about yourself you wouldn’t feel threatened or afraid of rejection, awkward silent moments during conversations, or being judges by others.

Indirectly you have the (unconscious) belief that someone’s else’s opinion is more important than your own. Your self value is attached to what other people think of you. So a rejection, a judgment or weird moment between old friends has an immediate effect on your self-worth. This means that you’re not afraid to contact old friends, you are afraid to lose respect for yourself for whatever happens.

Solution: Boost up your self-esteem. And below are some tips

1. Use positive affirmations correctly -> Say “I love you” to yourself in the mirror everyday until you belief it.
2. Identify your competencies and develop them -> Try out new things and do things you love.
3. Learn to accept compliments -> Fully embrace compliments and say “Thank You”
4. Eliminate self-criticism and introduce self-compassion -> Learn how to think positively throughout your day.

Read more: 24 Tips To Stay Positive

You Have A Trauma That Triggers You

Another common reason to be afraid to contact old friends is that you have unsolved issues. It can mean that you feel emotionally triggered by an old friend because of a situation in the past. Perhaps they bullied you in the past, you had a fight the last time you spoke or you’ve done wrong to your friend in the past. Which results into feelings of fear or guilt.

Solution: forgive yourself and forgive your old friends. You can contact them to talk it out and say sorry, but you don’t have to do that. The energy of actively forgiving yourself and others (might take a couple of times/ meditations) is enough to resolve issues within yourself but also between the bond between you and you’re old friends. You don’t need to talk it out to be able to feel better about the past and to release trauma.

What To Do With This Fear

Is Your Fear Justified?

This is a tricky question. By asking is this is not me saying you’re overreacting. Not at all. I mean: Are you in a life threatening situation where this fear is functional for you to survive? Big chance that it is not. Big chance that the fear emotion you feel comes from the thoughts in your head.

Our body doesn’t know the difference between real fear or artificial fear produces by our thoughts so it can react as if you’re in a life threatening situation. But you can do something about it to reduce your feelings of fear. You have to listen to what it says instead pushing them away as quickly as possible. That is not how it works. Pushing emotions away is only temporary. It will built up until the point you’re numb and you’re far removed from your real self. And at a certain point it will explode like a volcano and you have no clue what just happened.

Emotion are inevitable because we are human beings. We have emotions. We do not are our emotions. That is big difference and gives you a different perspective. That is why it’s best to led the emotions flow through you instead of blocking it. And learn what this valuable signal is. Breath through it and welcome it, embrace it, feel it and be aware of what lessons are here to be learned.

Whenever we feel an emotion it gives us on opportunity to dive deeper into what triggers us about the situation or thought if we interpret the messages our emotion carry the right way.

“It is not that the experience of emotion alone leads people to wise action… How people make sense of their emotional experience and how they use it is what makes the difference. Awareness of emotion and the ability to enable emotion to inform reasoned action is what is necessary for emotional intelligence” according to Greenburg.

Why You Should Contact Old Friends

In most cases “everything you want is on the other side of fear.” And for that reason I’ve listed a couple of reasons why you should contact old friends. It can be the best decision you’ll ever done, but you just needed some extra support. So here it goes:

1. You are not the same person from your childhood, and your friends have changed too. But the memories of that childhood you shared are ingrained in both your memories. Both good and bad. After the initial awkwardness, mostly old friends become very good friends just because they have shared an earlier life together. They bond on a deeper level that no one else i more recent friendships can.
   
2. A bad memory or argument should not hinder you from reliving the also good times with your old friends from time to time. Perhaps your old friend is hesitant to contact you for the same reason. What if nobody makes the first move? Do not regret to reconnect and keep in mind that there could be a rejection and that you’ll be fine.
   
3. Introverts also need friends. Staying socially active is vital for your health. Although initial association can be really hard, if you are really searching for a friend, bonding with an old friend who you knew is much easier and fulfilling than someone you randomly meet.
   
4. Through the ups and downs of life, you can see each other in a new light. You each have grown, learned from past experiences, and look at the past differently. This can work to your advantage when it comes to contacting an old friend. Differences in the past or misunderstandings can be forgiven more easily when both persons have grown on a personal level.

Tips To Not Make It Weird To Contact Old Friend

Many people fear that things get ackward or that it’s weird to contact an old friend. So let’s dive in deeper.

At first, you can ask yourself the question, would it be weird if friend X will get in contact with me right now? If the answer to this question is a NO, then why worry?

If it’s not weird for them to contact you, then it is not weird if you contact them. You’ve been friends in the past, you’ll share the same memories, had the time of your life at some stage in your life, so most old friends will feel honored to hear from you. 

Below are some extra helpful tips

• Tip 1: There is no harm in trying. Life is too short to live with regret. So why not go out of your comfort zone and reach out. Perhaps after reconnecting you ask yourself, why didn’t I do this earlier? Why was I filled with anxiety to get in contact? Why did I think it was weird reaching out? In many cases, the other person is also afraid to reach out and will be happy with you making the first move. So just go for it. You’ll have nothing to lose.
  
• Tip 2: Don’t have any expectations. Having expectations when reconnecting with an old friend can lead to disappointment on your end. And also your old friend can feel this expectation of yours too and feel uncomfortable and maybe shut things down early. Therefore try to keep your expectations low.
  
• Tip 3: Be honest. Being honest goes a long way. If you show your motivation behind why you want to contact your old friend and be honest in the initial contact you’ll not make things weird. Your honesty will be appreciated and in most cases reciprocated. You’ll create a safe space for the other person to be honest too.
  
• Tip 4: Be open for rejection. You might want to contact your old friend, but that doesn’t mean that person wants to get in contact with you. Many people like to keep things from the past in the past. Therefore if you stay open to the idea of being rejected, you wouldn’t feel weird about reaching out and the possibility of being rejected. And if you do get rejected, don’t take it personally. Just accept it and move on. Respect each other’s boundaries. Perhaps the other person is going through a tough time and needs their intention on their own life right now. And might come back to your friend request years later. Yes, this can happen. Or the distance in miles (different cities) make it impossible to meet up and is also a reason for people to be less invested in rekindling a friendship.
  
• Tip 5: Be Ready To Be Vulnerable. When you don’t want to make it weird and want to have the highest chances of success, you need to be ready to show your vulnerability. Being vulnerable helps you to foster better connections and relationships with others. It opens the line of communication, instead of shutting it down. Also, when you show your vulnerable side, the other person is likely to show theirs as well. You’ll have a heart to heart that can heal things from the past and can form a strong foundation for a possible friendship in the future.

How To Avoid Akward Moments 

1) The First Move: Keep It Light & Simple

When you’re ready to get in contact with an old friend you can have different approaches. For some, a direct approach (like you both are used to) can be a perfect way, but in most cases, a light and simple approach is the right way to go. This way you can test the waters as well. But in all cases show that you’re happy to hear from them. Show some love and it will go fine.

You can consider sending an email, text, or direct messages on social media. And a great opening line can be

“I saw or read something the other day that made me think of you and I was wondering how you are doing…”

And then ask a couple of questions but also tell something about yourself. You sharing things about your life makes it easier for other people to share something about their life too.

The keys to success are honesty, vulnerability, and positivity.

And once you’ve established a little conversation you can show your interest and ask if they want to meet up for coffee, lunch, dinner to catch up. 

2) Have Great Conversation Starters Ready

You might talk for hours on end and laugh at the same jokes in the past. In the time between then and now a lot of things might have changed. People’s perspectives on life have changed (or not at all) and you don’t know where their heads are at. 

And when you’ve come to the point that you’re going to meet each other for coffee, lunch, or dinner you may need some extra help to get the conversation going again. So that is why I’ve listed some good questions and great conversation starters. But the more natural, the better so don’t make it into an interview. Ask open questions, thoughtfully listen, ask more related open questions or share something yourself so they can hop on that topic as well.

• How are you?
• What have you been doing all these years?
• What are the highlights of life since the last time we met/ spoke?
• What is the most fun memory you have about school/ college/ work?
• Do you remember… (fun anecdote)
• What did you like most about school, marriage, having (grand)kids?
• What is your plan for the next few years?
• Do you have read some great book/ films/ series/ documentaries lately?
• What are you doing tomorrow? (leads to a more private place, like their plans and hopes)
• What are your plans this week? (gives you an insight on their current life and see if you have things in common)
• Have you seen or spoken to (names of mutual old friend)? (try not to get into gossip, but just stay interested in a nonjudgmental way)

3) Start With An Apology (if needed)

If you’ve hurt an old friend, then it is wise to start with an apology. Even if it is through text or social media at first. Showing you’re wrong helps you to get the communication line going. Later down the road, you can always apologize in person if it gets to that point.  

4) Respect Each Other

As I mentioned before you have to respect each other. And that means if they don’t want to meet up, accept this fact and wish each other well. But if you do catch up, know that your old friends might have changed their views on politics, past memories, people, opinions, etc. 

Therefore also respect each other’s new ways of thinking, opinions, and perspectives. You want to avoid getting into controversial topics the first time you meet each other. Although some friendships are used to that and can handle it better. Or sometimes it requires to get into a hard conversation first before you can move on. Sometimes you need to hash things out of the past before you can build on the future. But in all cases try to stay respectful.

Good Luck!

Now it is up to you to figure out what you want to do with it all this information.

Perhaps this article gives you so much clarity and strength to immediately contact old friends right away. Or you need some time to solve some issues within yourself before you are able to contact old friends with more confidence in the future. Or even decide it is not worth it and you moved on and are prioritizing other relationships. All is good.